You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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