i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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