his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The uberlube is also flammable
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
