My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
