I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize