You made me cry and you don't even care
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
