I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
