Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
