You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
