This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
