Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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