Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
