I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
