My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
