What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
