so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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