Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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