when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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