my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
