Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
