dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
