You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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