i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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