I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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