he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
