the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm always down for nudity.
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