I feel great
I just peed on a car
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Randomize
