very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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