I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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