is your mom at the bar?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
