Plan B is the new Plan A
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
