Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
