Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I could make wine with my vomit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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