It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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