Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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