whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
operation harelip BJ is a go
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
