I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
