the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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