I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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