Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
