my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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