Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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