the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
