maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize