Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
