My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
