some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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