All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
