It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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