Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
