Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
