i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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