dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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