I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
