Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize