Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
