So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
