it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I AM VODKA MAN
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
