HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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