dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it because I queefed?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
