I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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