MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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