youre lurking in front of me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
