if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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