apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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