Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
