Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
