All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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