dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's a Shit stain on my heart
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
