Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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